What's Up, Fellas?

Ah, hi, guys. Sorry I haven't been posting for a while. I just got suspended from school...for bullshit. Won't tell you why though, sorry. But I did. I got suspended from fucking school. It's retarded, really, but hey, shit happens, right? Anyway, I'll see if I have any time to post here. But other than that, how's life? What's happenin'? Well, life seems happy and great for me. I'm finally relaxing and able to do things I want to do. Life's great. And I'm spending time with my siblings...plus being able to talk to the baby in my mom's stomach instead of falling of asleep. And! And, and, I've been sick :( (sigh) I've had a runny nose, sore throat and all the rest of the symptoms in a cold. But it's going away little by little so I've been doing better and other than that...life's great. Can't say perfect but it's great.

Happy Birthday!...To Me

Today's my birthday, ya'lls! I'm pretty happy. I mean, 16 probably doesn't seem like a big deal. But I've been waiting for this age...to work! But, I think I'm very happy to be alive for this day...and the rest of the days of my life. There have been many times when I've wanted to end my life. But now, I find no use in doing it because I'd rather be tortured by mankind and not by something eternal or inevitable. I'm grateful to be alive, ya'lls. I'm very happy.

None of Your Business, dude!

Do tell, when did a book become such a big deal? I mean, yes, of course, 'tis explicit, yes. But, ever since there had been cases of teachers falling in love with their students or students falling in love with their teachers-not that that's happening because that's just retarded. Yet, you can't stop someone from falling in love, especially because of their age. It's stupid! But as I was saying, ever since those cases, schools have been more strict and more insane. Although, I understand why I was to be suspended for such material that was extremely explicit, yes, I understand that. But still, why the nonsense?

Life Long Tale

My mother...is...PREGNANT!!! Oh my God, she's pregnant! I cried....I cried. I cried because she has Diabetes and anything could happen to her. But I also cried because I'm happy. I'm happy because she's happy. And I did give a warning to my dad after I gave him condoms from my school.
Me: (Throwing him like, 14 condoms) If I hear one more complaint about, "Oh, I think I'm pregnant" or if you and mom argue once more because you can't keep you peter in your pants, I will hit you. And then, in like, a month afterward. This whole thing happened.
How in the world did a warning turn to an announcement of pregnancy? How?
My dad: Okay, family meeting!
Me: (In my head) Oh boy, another "time to clean up the house".
My dad: What do you guys think of another family member with-
My sister: We're having a puppy?!
My other little sister: Yay! A puppy! I want a puppy!
My brother: Shut up, Bianca! Isabell, shut up!
My dad: With two arms and two legs?
A moment of silence. First quietness in all of history...in my house.
My brother: We're having another baby?
My mom: Yes, we're having another baby.
Of course, I couldn't say anything. Nothing. Nothing came out of my mouth. I knew her risk. She knew her own risk. But she told me that she couldn't stand that fact that with her risk, she would have to abort the baby. I understood that because if I was in her shoes, I wouldn't want to be in there either. I didn't know, at the time, how to tell her of my feelings in this sudden announcement because it's true. I didn't know if I should've felt happiness or anger or sadness or even double the worry that I have for her already. I didn't know what to say. All of my siblings, including my little sister: the youngest of all, still exploring her age, she was talking with my mom about how the baby will look in my sister's eyes. But I couldn't say anything. I'm telling you, I've never been in that state of shock before. It was different. It was much different then just a normal state of shock. It was a scary shock. It was-God, there's no explanation on how it felt. Because it was a feeling that has never been felt before in my entire life.
 I've had shock when my dad left me when I was seven. But when he walked out that door, I was already like, "Ah, he's gone. Who cares?" Still I cried because he was my father. And I'm saying the word "was" because I haven't seen him in nine-almost ten years. And now that I'm fifteen and four quarters, I had a need to look for him. But I've realized, now that I'm in happiness, he's neglected me for a very VERY long time. I have a father already. And suppose that my biological will one day decide to come to my wedding because I invited him and he'll see that he won't be walking me down that aisle. It'll be my stepfather walking me down that aisle. And I think that it's hard for a girl who's lost her father, not only in death but also abandonment, that it's hard to honor someone with being a stepfather. My dad (stepfather) has been in my life for all of my nine years to be sixteen. I believe that with one man, able to talk to me without the mind games of psychology, I'm allowed to call him daddy or dad or papi or just by his name.
In conclusion, I'm very happy for my mother. And I hope that I'm old enough to be with her in the room she gives birth in because even though it was I didn't expect to hear from my mom or dad, it'll be another memory where I'll be able to raise another sibling as my own.   

NOOO!

I have majorly bad news! Like bad bad bad news. It's like SO horrible for me that I cried so much and it was just...it was just so...SO HORRIBLE! I...lost my book! It's so freakin' horrible. I seriously lost it! It was...(crying) This is horrible! This is...this is horrible! Why?! This is the damn second time this happens. What is wrong with me? How could I lose it so soon...AGAIN! It was in my pants and it...it was there. UNBELIEVABLE! The little thing is GONE! It's in an SD card. What is this curse of losing USBs and SD cards?!