Now is when I'm here?

Hey, guys, sorry I haven't posted in a LONG F-ing time. I was just REALLY busy and I've been going through a lot of shiznit. But I will expand later on. As of now, things are good...and of course, Ca-rappy. Still, I'm trying to hold it together and if I do make it through, I'll be totally great...for the moment being. Have a safe and Happy-as-Fuck week! Ciao!

She's ALIVE! Yes, I am...

Bon Jour! Oui, I know. I haven't been posting anything new lately but I've just been very busy with things. So, I have an excuse! :) Anyway, life is good. So far. Of course I can't say completely because things are still crappy but hey, that's life, right? Today is the last day before the spring vacation starts and I'm already thinking about Sarah and Rachna. (Sigh) They're such good people. They're like a 2nd and 3rd mom besides my therapist...1st mom! And then of course, my Bipolar mother... but I love that woman too- for some reason. How I would miss talking to them. And I'm lovin' school. Besides getting an anxiety attack in school...awkward... But I feel totally sober. Of course yesterday, I thought I was going to faint in Delancy St. station because my whole vision was about to go black and white. TOTALLY AWKWARD... I think something's wrong with me but I'm trying to control it- which is not working out for me. I guess it's the love I'm urgin' for. The woman I want...I don't even know what woman I want- I just want a woman. (shh, don't tell anyone). Well, that's all folks. Till next time...if I'm not busy.

I Really Like this quote

"Men in general judge by their eyes rather than by their hands; because everyone is in a position to watch, few are in a position to come in close touch with you. Everyone sees what you appear to be, few experience what you really are. And those few dare not gainsay the many who are backed by the majesty of the state."

Niccolo Machiavelli from The Prince

Boring Announcement:...

My guitar has been out tuned again!...By my sister! I told her that I'm going to beat her little Hispanic ass up. She's just four years old but that's no excuse. I'm still gonna kick her ass! Anyway, school's good. Still got no friends though. Everyone's for themselves. Who cares. Next, I made some cool songs and I was on my way to record in my cousin's studio BUT he wasn't there. What a douche. Aside from all that, therapy was good and blah blah blah all is good.
Talk later!

The Best Lesbo Song EVER!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2SIUU_i6v8&feature=related

I don't know what to feel or think anymore, you guys. I feel alone and stupid and secluded and dumb. I don't know how to function anymore ever since I got out of my previous school. My mom's telling me not to cry for some kid who's a faggot (Victor). Why can't this woman get this through her head: He's NOT GAY! Sometimes it's like you can't tell anyone anything because they're so fucking stupid with everything. I'm not calling my mother stupid but she's just so arrogant. It's true.

I feel like running away sometimes. Like far, far away. Far where no one can see me. Where no one can find me. Somewhere where people will forget about me for like seven years-Cause that's what it feels like. It feels like seven years of bad luck...and I haven't even broke a mirror. My mom gave me some speech about life and love. (Sigh) She could be right. But...what do I know? I just want to die depressed. I don't feel like I belong in this world anymore. I had so many opportunities and I lost it.

Today, I had the opportunity of a lifetime. I had an Xlibris Consultant who told me about packages to get my manuscript published...and my mom said no. Why? Because it was the book that got me in trouble in school and...(Stupid reason) it goes against her belief. Really? No one cares. It's just a book. Now, she doesn't want to help me out and my dad's telling me to write another manuscript! A year and a half it took me to finish that manuscript! Looks like I'll have to wait till I'm 18 and I'll have to start working since my mom doesn't want to support me.

As for love, I can see as much as my mom does that I am obsessed with Victor. Who knew? I hate women and men who are like that! And now, I've become one of them. But it's because I'm so new at this-it's something I can't control. It's not my fault. Victor showed me another side of the world that I've never seen. Still, not my fault. So, isn't that good? First, they didn't want me to like girls. I didn't...for a time. And now, that I like a boy, they don't want me to like him. For that, like no one. Masturbation is good...so I heard. Better than couples. Better than men, better than women. Why would I get slapped for liking a boy? Maybe it's my fault that I have an attitude because my mom and dad keeps calling Victor gay.

Moral: Don't talk to your parents about anything because they may have good advice, but therapy is better...in my opinion.