The Experience of a Lifetime...Ladies and Gentlemen: Heartbreaker

(Smiling)Okay, so, I don't know how this whole diary (technically Blogger) shit goes...so, I'll just say it how it is. Anyway, today, (Sigh) I spoke to a very good friend of mine. He's probably about 6' something. He's a really handsome guy. Now, a little background check: We met last year (I was a Freshman, he was a Junior) We used to hang out with my writing teacher from last year, Ms. Knorr and I completely had a crush on him. Now, there was this other guy who I had a crush on also but I really liked him (The Junior). The Junior's name is Victor and he's a very, very handsome guy. I really liked him, I'll be honest. I did. So, today, I decided to tell him how much I felt about him because I told him earlier I told him that I liked him. Like EARLIER earlier. Not like, morning earlier but a few weeks before earlier.

(Confused) ANYWAY, I told him that what I felt for him was a bit more than a crush...I didn't know how to tell him nor did I know if he would understand. Now, he wasn't sure about the whole thing and told me that he was sorry. Now, I've never had a boyfriend nor do I see now the pleasure of finding one anymore because I've learned and experienced what it's like to be...to be...rejected. I've never felt like that. I kinda pictured it like Romeo and Juliet...except...Romeo doesn't like Juliet in my imagination. Not that I'm as pretty as Juliet. I just don't see myself like that.

(Pretty baffled) I was in love with the guy! How stupid could that be? I mean, he's not stupid for rejecting me. I probably understand why. But why don't I wait for a right time? Why am I always the naive one? Why do I pursuit after something I will never have?

(VERY confused)My parents just told me not to tell him how I feel...BUT me, like a dumb ass and like fuckin' Juliet, I told him! Because I couldn't stand it! I couldn't stand the fact that I was in love with him. And you know what's the funny thing, I HATE, I HATE HATE HATE people- men or women who chase after someone they love when they know that they aren't coming back. So, why am I like that? Why is it that that's human nature? I've battled for love. I've battled to be loved...and I could never have it. I never pictured that I'd be this heartbroken. I never pictured that I'd fall in love.

(Calm)He still my friend...he still my best friend...but I think..(Sigh) I think I made our friendship distant, perhaps. Perhaps, we won't speak to each other like we always did. But life is life...and life...is fucked up. Love is fucked up.

(Berserk on love)I knew it, I KNEW IT! Love has no mercy for me. Love has no chance for me. It's like fucking Karma. Or- or fucking...um, um, superstition. Or better yet, fucking witchcraft. Yeah, yeah that's what it is, fucking witchcraft...like I give a shit...

(Crying) It wasn't my fault! It wasn't my fault! If I could only learn how to shut up! God, why am I like this?! Why!

(Laughing) I mean, what was the purpose of saying that? Hahahahahaha I'm gonna go get some juice. This is lovely! This- this, I can write about. I have finally learned what a heartbreak is! Ha!

(Scary) THIS IS FUCKING AMAZING! This is great! How much longer till the next full moon? I hear that's the night people get insane or go insane. I think I'm Bipolar...HOW NICE!

(Crying...again) Why the fuck! Why the-God, why, why, why? SOMEBODY GET ME SOME MORE JUICE! Oh, my eyes are stinging! Ow! Why!

(Smiling) So, yeah that's what happened today. This doesn't count as a girly thing because I don't do this type of shit. So, please enjoy your day. Life is well...life is...Happy as Fuck.

(Scary) Muah- ha- ha- ha- ha- ha! That's what you think!

Hilarious Accident

So, I was trying to do a remix on some music for Techno. I said to myself, why not take a porn video and turn it into an mp3 and then mix it with some music? I mean, after hearing Ionic Vision's She is Masturbation, I kinda caught some inspiration. So, I tried it. Now, I must admit, I do watch porn...just the girl on girl thing. I don't like straight porn. So, anyway, I took a video that I had for a while and reviewed it. Now here's the funny thing, I had my stereo on because I was hearing music from Sade and Groovestylerz and Vinylshakerz and some other electronic music and I totally forgot that I had the stereo on because my parents are not fans of porn. I didn't want my parents to know what I was going to do. The stereo, however, was extremely loud and I played the video forgetting that the stereo was loud and I was struggling so much to get to the stereo because it just came unexpectedly. It was so hilarious because my brothers and sisters came to the room asking what happened because I was just laughing my ass off. It was so hilarious...seriously. I've never been so embarrassed...especially for something like that.

Religious Constipation

So, imagine that there's this priest; Special man, you know? Always preachin' and helping people pray for forgiveness. One day, he has this really bad stomach ache and he's tryin his best to help the people and shit like that. By the end of the church day (Sunday, which...is suppose to be peace day) he runs to the toilet. A LOT of shit like, A LOT, like, just splattering all over and then the big one comes.
Constipated Priest: Lord, get this demon out of me! Aah!
He screams as the shit gets out of him. Sighs in relief but feels another one comin'.
Constipated Priest: Aah! Lord have mercy on my soul, get this creature out of me!
It's comin'...it's comin'. And then he screams like it's the end of the world.
Constipated Priest: BE GONE, SATAN!
And then the last of all the shit comes out. He's relieved...finally. He does his stuff and turns the knob of the door before he sighs in relief and says..."Amen".
Dudes, my bro made this up so, just ask him.

For all the old people (Rather parents) do you remember the song "Smooth Operator" by Sade? Yeah, well, see, that song came up to my head and I decided to look for it on Youtube. Now turns out that I have atleast four albums in my iPod of Sade! Why? Because her music is friggin' AWESOME! And I'm not a very big fan of R&B or Soul but my God! I mean, she doesn't have a very big voice like Mariah Carey when she held the high C note or Beyonce or Celine Dion but her voice so sexy. It's like...oh my God! She's incredible!

Appreciate the Enthusiasm

You know what pisses me off? I'll tell you what pisses me off. What pisses me off is that people tend to keep you from a hobby-or-or a passion. People are so fucking destructive that: no wonder there's no fucking peace in the world. BECAUSE EVERYONE IS SO DAMN COCKY! My mom tries to take my writing from me and now my music. Well, I wouldn't say now because she's done it before by erasing all my music from her iPod...that was devastating for me. That was like a supernatural disaster for me because it took a long time-and I mean it! A LONG TIME just to get that music. Of course, sometimes we have to grow up and move on. Now, that I'm fucking 16 years old, and that I'm writing a damn book involving two lesbians, my mom has a fit about it. Like I give a shit! I'm gonna keep writing, whether you like it or not! Even if I have to wait till I have a job of my own. I'M GONNA KEEP WRITING! And no one is gonna keep me from music. She doesn't seem to understand that we're individuals and we have our interests. And another thing, I've just turned 16. Do you know how hard it is just to have certain things your way? Like getting the perfect coffee or getting the perfect version of a song or trying to win desperately at Project Gotham Racing. Now, those are just small things that I desire. The big things-my mom won't let me have or let it happen. Like confronting my guidance councilor about what the fuck is going on or let me shopping for my own clothes or sleep the whole day! BECAUSE SHE SO DAMN BIPOLAR! I knew it! I knew it! I knew I should've gotten that book on how to deal with a person diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Because I can never please her. It's not my fault I was made from a damn man who doesn't give a shit about me. It's not my fault that I'm-WAS depressed. It's not my fault that I'm writing about two lesbians! Tell me, what the fuck is wrong with these religious people nowadays! They're so fucking hypocrite. They say they don't judge-that they're with God and that they worship God because He is powerful. Well, did you know that emotions are the fault in being gay? I'm not gay but I love gay people. I fucking love gay people. What is so fucking bad about that? Just because I hang out with gay people-I'm gay, too? What the fuck! I can never have decent life because I want to expose myself into curiosity! What's wrong with that? It's not my fault that this whole society and this country is so fucking sexual about ads and magazines. I have no problem with that but seriously, when or where the fuck are you gonna find a virgin girl or boy nowadays if everyone is exposed to sex? Where? The only virgins you'll ever find is in the hospital when a mother just gave birth to "Congratulations! It's a girl!" Fucking pathetic! And then parents expect to keep their daughter safe when sooner or later, SHE'S GONNA HAVE A BOYFRIEND! Not saying that I'll have a boyfriend because my self-esteem for a boyfriend is way low, dude. But come on! But you know what, I'm not worried about that because...(sigh) I am happy as fuck.

Life Stinks

I am...really really startin' to love life...or not. No. I'm really startin' to hate it. Major bullshit is really startin' to tear me apart. Seriously! And I have no idea was to do. I just wanna sleep all day...and do...nothing. I really love life. I really...really...REALLY LOVE LIFE. Because it's all bullshit...for reals.